We are a London-based cricket club. Although we don't have our own pitch, we usually play our home fixtures in Greenwich Park. This blog records our regular triumphs and occasional failures.

Sunday 21 December 2008

Merry Christmas & A Happy New Fixture List

As Adam and Dan were staging their first event as Social Secs (their title, not the event) last Friday, the Skipper was busy at home finalising next season's fixtures. The list of matches can be seen on the left-hand side of this page.

Merry Christmas all!

Thursday 4 December 2008

78 HOURS






That's how much time we spent playing cricket this summer.


Just think - 78 hours.... That works out at three and a quarter days.


Multiply that by 11 players and we spent more than a month this year plodding round the boundary, spilling catches, stealing the captain's cake and watching Selfish bat.


And that's before we even got to the speeches at last week's AGM.


Well done and many thanks to The Chairman for his final deed as social sec organising the excellent bash.

Friday 28 November 2008

Testmatch Vs West Indies

Check this out comrades - it is Cincinnati's slowest batsman taking on one of the West Indies' fastest bowlers: Mr Courtney Walsh.
He's about 7ft tall, very good, and now known in my house as "Sir".
The first two pics are of the beginning and end of the same delivery. The bloke in the background is Devon Malcolm. He was quite lively, too.
The best that can be said about the encounter is that I managed to avoid being killed (narrowly) and didn't get out (sorry Will).








Thursday 20 November 2008

AGM Preparations


With the club's annual awards ceremony just over a week away, the Chairman heads to his local to rehearse his acceptance speech.

Wednesday 10 September 2008

A big thank you even if it did get a little bit too much for me by the end of the evening!




Chaps,
Many, many thanks for a great 50th bash at Finchley CC (thanks for hosting us, Frank). The caricature is a great gift.
But whose idea was it to leave the stumps intact? You've got to make these things look realistic, you know.
Someone's got to tell me who drew it. Everybody else is asking me and all I can say is I've never met the chap.
Your fan mail has been pouring in this week from the other partygoers - 'what a nice bunch of chaps' and 'very jolly people' - and some of these spoke to the Vice-Skip during the evening. My god, the ghost of Thixendale is finally laid to rest.
The cake pictured above - courtesy of Emily Wills, sister of Abigail, PA on the Daily Telegraph when I was there - is almost as good a likeness as the cartoon.
Er, that is, apart from the shot which is highly reminiscent of Stephen's 'over the white-washed garden fence' technique.
Still, the ball has clearly dribbled off the side during the slicing so not a bad result for me. Probably a single there...no, hang on, waiting, WAITING!!
Pity the deluge stopped us giving Frank's Finchley a run for their money on the day.
But let's not be modest about it, as this blog reports, for the first time ever, Cincinnati can celebrate a winning season - more games won than lost and some terrific efforts during the summer.
I'm putting Sunday down as the highlight - your best performance of the season even without a ball being bowled!
See you all at the AGM if not before,
Brendan

Monday 8 September 2008

Happy Birthday, Skipper

Cincers gathered at Finchley CC yesterday to celebrate Brendan's half century.


Bren sets hearts racing with talk of resignation before deciding that his successor is not yet ready to step up. He celebrates with a slice of a cake.
































The Chairman presents a gift from the club to the skipper.





































Although the game was rained off, a trip to Finchley would not have been complete without a huge appeal from Frank for the Skipper's wicket.

Tuesday 19 August 2008

What a great tea - shame about the cricket


Cincers showed Actors Anon how to do it on Sunday with a sparking performance by Dan and Adam.
On their first outing as teaboys, the young duo - pictured above with their handiwork - floored the opposition with refreshments worthy of an Olympic Gold.
"Not so much a buffet as a banquet," said one Actor, admitting defeat straight away in the face of a groaning Greenwich Park table.
"Best tea we've ever had," said another.
Not even 'Tubs' Moynihan could have munched his way through such trays of fine sandwiches, pork pies (the Chairman snaffled the last one in the pub later), chicken legs, pasta, salad and as fine a selection of cakes as the Cincers' better halves could muster.
Why, there were even lashings of ginger beer!
Actually, there weren't really but it's a nice quote from a little-known unpublished Enid Blyton story 'Five Wickets Go Down for One Run'.
Sadly appropriate for what went before the tea interval.
Thirsting for revenge, Actors fielded a new quickie along with regular Irish Jamie who's always a handful and Cincers struggled to get the ball off the square for 12 overs or so.
Just for the record, Jamie's bowling figures were 5.4 overs, three for four!
Sanjeev, the quickie, was positively expensive at six overs, none for 10.
Manfully, Test Match opened up and stuck around to post a hard-worked 26 before unluckily holing out (one of a couple of excellent Actors' catches by Roy) and newcomer Abid - helpfully filling in at 30 minutes notice after Will pulled out 'sick' before start of play - chipped in with 23.
The rest of us, well, we didn't get any though Jim had his usual watchful four, four, four, four and out, while Rockie hit two fours as well.
105 all out short of our 35 overs was never going to be enough.
Gamefully, the Skip (that's me) invoked the spirit of Whitstable as we took the field to recall our incredible victory last month but it slowly became more spirit of Clacton as Actors lost just the two wickets.
Max bowled well to take an early wicket, caught behind by Jack, and Jim did his best given he'd spent half the night watching the Olympics.
Rockie got the other wicket but Actors strolled to victory.
After a tea like they had, there's ingratitude for you.

Tuesday 12 August 2008

Savour a triumph - forget a defeat!


For some reason, the match report from August 3 - the one the Skip missed due to a savage bout of food poisoning - has been delayed. No doubt our illustrious Chairman will send out one of his "Oi! why hasn't the blog been updated??" emails and put matters right.
In the meantime, readers are invited to feast their eyes on this fine body of men - the triumphant Cincinnati team after the tour victory in Pembrokeshire last month.
Let's savour the moment in south-west Wales and forget what came next in south-west London!
PS This picture is one of many taken by Andy O which - when I can work out how - will appear as a slideshow. Over to you, Selfish!

Tuesday 5 August 2008

The Chairman's Dive - Part II

Apologies for the angle - Selfish cameraman to blame.



With thanks to producer and editor Mrs Selfish

Saturday 2 August 2008

The Chairman's Review Tenby Tour 2008

The best tour yet? Every year I suspect there has been good reason to say "the best tour yet".

Berlin great organisation the attention of young football groupies (until we got out of the minibus) and finding a new friend. Yorkshire ah Yorkshire a story best told with beer and .....more beer late at night around a crowded table. Paris we`ll always have Paris, again organised well even if their cabbies seeemed determined to keep us from a wonderful setting complete with a pool for the chairman's dive and where better to drown our sorrows than the Sorrowful Shark. Then Galway back to the land of our skip to record our first victory.. away on a trip. And now Tenby without doubt the most beautiful setting yet hotels overlooking the beach fish being caught to eat (not scampi) great walks along the coast, ice creams brought from the whip and catches caught in the deep...sea that is, and then there was the cricket everyone playing their part no matter what role or for which team they played for one win one loss sounds about right yes I`m sure I can say "Y taith gorau erioed".....I hope.

Well done all

The Chairman

Tuesday 29 July 2008

Phew - What a Scorcher! Bevan bashes Bosherston in historic second tour win


A weekend of Welsh tour betrayal and treachery was completed at around 7pm on Sunday as Selfish Batter steered Cincinnati to a memorable victory - by crushing the side that nurtured him.
Only 24 hours earlier, Selfish - deserting Cincers to bat for his original home side of Bosherston and Stackpole - had snatched victory from us with a last-over cameo of a four and a six.
"Croeso gartref - welcome home!" cheered BSCC. In vain.
Selfish doesn't speak the language of his fathers and promptly defected back to Cincers for the Sunday game at BSCC's gorgeous home ground at Stackpole.
Worse, he notched up his highest ever score - a chanceless 136 not out to lead us over the line after a generous declaration from BSCC skipper Richard MacKay.
BSCC batted first on a blisteringly hot day in a 35-over contest and quickly set a hot pace to match - despite tight, sharp bowling from Big Jim at one end which earned him a second over wicket.
Max started well at the other end but BSCC's intentions rapidly became clear - whack it!
Enter the Honey Monster's cousin - Huw Cox, with some of the hardest straight hitting yet inflicted on Cincers (for the record, the Honey Monster in Galway last year preferred mid-wicket, about a mile over it from the Skip's 'spinners').
Max's third over went for 21, including five fours, after which the bowler promptly resigned from his spell.
"You're on next - Max's has abdicated," the Skipper told Test Match.
Sadly, it was still crash helmet order at long off and long on as Huw - assisted by opener Alan Webster - proceeded to knock the leather off the ball and wreck one bat in the process.
Catches were spilled as Cincers wilted until Adam woke up at cover to catch BSCC's skip for a duck off Selfish's medium pacers.
Next over, Adam woke up again to juggle, sorry, snaffle another catch to slow the onslaught.
No respite, though, as Huw - now aided by hard-hitting number six J. Williams - bashed on regardless, surviving the odd chance and scare.
Bravely, the Chairman took the ball from the Skip, provoked a chance that went down and suffered a fearful battering from the escapee.
But what's this? Over the hill came the 7th Meerkat Cavalry in the shape of former Chairman Rockie's inswingers and Max's massive hands at deep, deep, mid-wicket.
The Mighty Max took three excellent catches, including despatching Huw for 83. Tragically, a Kerrygold-sponsored drop at square leg by, er, the Skip, may have denied Rockie his first ever five-for as he went to bag a fourth wicket.
Rockie finished with an astonishing four for 14 off five overs while Big Jim sent down seven, one for 20.
Will, donning the gloves for the second day running, put in his best performance yet with behind the stumps.
Why, he even took a stumping off a flighted leggie offering from the Skip.
BSCC declared at 220 for nine off 30 overs - with, under Pembrokeshire league rules, Cincers getting the unused overs.
So, our target was 221 from 40.
A banquet of a tea followed before Selfish and Test Match strode to the crease to begin the reply.
An Australian-style arc of slips greeted Selfish's first ball - a wide sent down by the BSCC skip and the cordon promptly relaxed.
Test Match started watchfully - "could you move that dairy herd, please?" - as Selfish gradually opened up on the pitch of his youth.
One major alarm came when bowler Webster deflected a return drive from Selfish on to the non-striker's stumps. The Skip, umpiring, gave it "Not Out" - to the thinly-disguised - well, not disguised at all - disbelief of BSCC.
Ash - fielding for the oppo (I refuse to mention, Ash, that you hit me for a four, by the way, when batting for BSCC) - won plaudits from the home side for his dives which for once involved stopping the ball.
Eventually, Test Match succumbed to an extravagantly-turning off-spinner from Webster to depart for 28 but not before he and Selfish had racked up another century partnership.
A quick cameo came from Dan - he was caught at first slip by Frank fielding for the oppo after BSCC skip Richard was carried off injured. Will also chipped in quick runs.
Selfish ploughed on to an historic 136 not out and an equally historic tour win for Cincers off 37 overs - our second tour triumph in a year.
A great end to a great tour, formally marked at the Stackpole Inn where Max was named Fielder of the Tour and Rockie got Player of the Tour.
Well, we can't let Selfish win everything, can we?
* Picture caption: In his pomp - Selfish prepares for another boundary on home turf.

Sunday 27 July 2008

Of Tubs and treachery...


Cincinnati hit a new low yesterday when four team members conspired to deny the team a triumphant first day on tour in Wales.
The Gang of Four - led by non-Welsh speaker "Selfish batter" Bevan - turned their backs on their team mates to play for the opposition - Bosherston and Stackpole CC. Tubs Moynihan, fortified by a whopper-sized serving of scampi and chips in the Indian restaurant the night before (and we do mean INDIAN) tucked into the Cincinnati attack to rack up more than 70 runs and a cheeseburger.
Cincinnati bowlers, clearly unwilling to get the traitors out, served up a rich diet of half-volleys and full-tosses - especially after Tubs pulled up with a calf muscle strain. The generous bowling was entirely in keeping with the wonderful hospitality provided by hosts BSCC at a reserve ground on an army camp set in the rolling countryside of Selfish Batter's native Pembrokeshire.
The day opened with BSCC appealing for players from the overstocked, if undertalented, ranks of the touring squad.
But the skipper was appalled when Selfish led Tubs, former, and never to be again, chairman Graham Rock, "quickie" Kiwi Max "Lord" Rashbrooke and young Dan over to join the home team.
Worse, Rocky successfully reprised his John Travolta-style of wicketkeeping to frustrate Cincinnati despite a gallant opening stand by the chairman and the skipper who got a nose bleed when he reached the dizzy heights of 18 before succumbing to vertigo (caught at slip at the second attempt). Team trouble-maker Ash livened up proceedings by smashing a six and promptly falling down in adoration of the shot. The vice-captain defied gravity and technique to hit a swashbuckling 30-odd, including four drops along the way before retiring hurt - possibly the first player in history to be hit in the foot by a wide (bowled by Selfish, to make matters worse).
Earlier, Test Match (the artist formerly known as Lurpak) departed, muttering "No Ball!" after missing a shooter from fine young prospect James Adie, a 12-year-old swing bowler.
Keeper Will bludgeoned Cincer's top score of 45 not out and Big Jim hit a two ball six-and-out to take Cincers to 183 off 35 overs - with Adie taking 3-32 for BSCC with some fine bowling.
After a banquet of a tea - deliberately involving extra sponge cake to slow Cincers down in the field - BSCC themselves got off to a sedate start, with skipper Jenkins caught at gully by Test Match off Adam O'Callaghan seam-up bowling.
That brought in the traitor Rock who found, from God knows where, a range of shots never seen when playing his own club. Thankfully the Gods of criket, and Rocky's own disastrous judge of a run, eventually brought an end to his innings, but not before he had reached 28.
Enter Tubs, and the Shelving. Fortified by a tea-time snack of 16 scotch eggs and a ham and bacon pie, Tubs put his team mates to the sword with some sparkling driving.
Frantic bowling changes by the skipper failed to stem the BSCC tide, even though the chairman - bowling into the setting sun, winkled out two batters.
A helpless Tubs, by now relying on a runner, watched aghast as his team mates ran him out.
In a tense finish, Big Jim returned to get a wicket and bring in Selfish. "Leave it to me skip - I have a cunning plan," he said, before serving up a smorgasbord of legs-side morsels duly despatched by Selfish over the heads of distraught Cincinnatians to give BSCC a victory off the penultimate ball.
No flowers please, just donations to the Crocked Cincinnatians (JP's foot)Fund.
* Our picture shows Tubs about to tuck in to his scampi and chips a la Mumbai in Tenby's fine Bay of Bengal restaurant.

Monday 21 July 2008

Cincinnati v Whistable Labour Club - Whitstable

Cincers began their coast-to-coast march across the UK with the annual trip to Whitstable. The local Labour club once again served up a well-kept pitch and a splendid tea - terrific hosts. As for the game, only Hollywood could have come up with the plot that unfolded.

The Skip won the toss and decided to bat. He and Rocky got us off to a steady - some might say slow - start. Their partnership was broken when Rocky mistook Brendan's cry of delight at middling a wide one for an instruction to run. Poor Graham never stood a chance.

Dan ended the watchful nonsense with some fine attacking batting. He and Lurpak were joint top-scorers on 31 - until Tim added a discretionary 12.5% tip to his score, rounding it up to 35. Our guest Roger made a useful contribution at the end of the innings and the Wright Brothers scampered a single off the final ball before tea. Who would have guessed the significance of their effort at the time?



We ended on 130-9 from 43 overs. Custodians of the spirit of the game would have been gladdened to see Cincinnati at least come out to field after tea in the wake of last year's vulgar decision to whack a few more boundaries after enjoying a slice of cake. The relief however would have been short lived. After Batting On After Tea last year, the Cincers this year challenged etiquette by Only Using Three Bowlers All Innings. More on that later.

As we took our positions, the Vice Captain was looking subdued at point (his preferred patch of the cricket field). John had picked up a thigh injury during drunken antics at a house party the night before. A sad indictment of a Beverly Hills lifestyle?

The Yorkshireman in him was soon reawakened when Mark W, standing at slip, helpfully offered to swap positions with him. The Skipper stepped in: "No, we need WICKETS!". With edges anticipated on a bouncy track, the Skip's thought processes were clear to all. The lad from Leeds just jutted his jaw. "Hear all, See all, Say nowt..."

All the while, Lurpak was charging down the hill with a hint of devil in his eye. He struck twice to remove the openers. Adam was coming up the hill.

When two well-coached youngsters started hitting fours through the covers we all wondered if we were watching a sequel to the BK game. Whitstable were halfway to victory with 8 wickets left. In the nick of time, Brother Jack combined with Tim to dismiss Number 3. Then Selfish swung one to trap Number 4 LBW. Could the scriptwriter really pull off such a twist?

What followed was, in the words of the skipper, the finest display of catching in CCC's history (surely jinxing the tour in the process) as we worked our way through the middle order. Rocky joined in the self-congratulation with his own "excellent catch". And still Lurpak tore down the slope.

When Whitstable's last man came out to bat, they needed 6 to win. A few runs were scrambled off Lurpak and Selfish. 129-9. 1 to tie, 2 to win. Lurpak began his demonic charge for the last time. Number 10 swiped at a delivery outside off stump. He connected and the ball flew away just behind square.

The Yorkshireman hadn't moved. A slightly raised eyebrow was his only facial reaction to the approaching ball. "Take all, Keep all, Drop nowt". As the leather, and with it victory, finally settled in his bruised hands, the Vice gave an almost imperceptible nod of the head, perhaps confirming to himself that an earlier insult from the other side of the Pennines had been set right.

Next second, the dour Yorkie had disappeared and Hollywood was back in town. The hero's dash towards the sunset, all sails rotating, teammates in pursuit, just needed a wide camera lens and a superimposed 'The End'.

Epilogue: Man of the Match and Best Supporting Actor Lurpak ended with the extraordinary figures of 17-2-56-7. He deserved his fish and chips - before presumably pounding the road back to London.

Cincinnati v BK - Greenwich Park


This was one of those games where you come away thinking, 'If we'd got another 30 runs...', or 'If we'd got one more breakthrough..' i.e. we were well beaten.

We batted first and scored around 170-8 in 35 overs. Top scorer was Selfish Batter, who donated 80 runs to the team cause. Moyners showed us what we'd been missing this season with a few hefty swings of the formica. Simon D made his CCC debut and left with his honour intact on 1 not out.

After tea, our lack of bowling options was soon exposed. Lurpak was his usual reliable self but things got away from us after his early strikes. The only consolation was that, when it came, the coup de grâce was delivered by a stylish Welshman.

Back in the Hare & Billet, the Chairman provided confirmation that we hadn't quite been on the ball all day. As we shared a packet of crisps, he pitched his Dragons' Den idea of marketing Quavers as a practical scoop solution for a bowl of peanuts. Not for the first time that afternoon, a group of Cincers had to turn to the Skipper and mutter, "I'm out".

Tuesday 8 July 2008

Cincinnati v London Saints - Greenwich


Cincinnati selfishness hit a new low this weekend when two players beat theopposition on their own. Simon Bevan - already at the centre of several 'Me, Me, Me' battinginquiries - and Tim Ross humiliated the rest of the team by putting on an undefeated 164 opening stand off 27.4 overs. A packed batting line-up looked on helplessly as Selfish (Bevan's realname) - hogged the strike to plunder 110 not out off the hapless London Saints attack and steer us to our first-ever 10-wicket win.
'I was seeing it like a football - MY football!' Said selfish after the rain-interrupted match.Ross - known as Test Match Tim for his, er, 'measured' approach to taking guard - dropped anchor at the other end.Will drummed his fingers idly on his bat which for some reason he had bothered to knock in. At one point, Tim, who ended up 44 not out, livened things up by insisting on having the sightscreen moved and repainted, only for the bowler to decide he wasn't coming round the wicket after all.M eanwhile, Solitaire - sorry, I mean, Selfish - barrelled along,despatching the ball to all corners of the rain-soaked pitch, to reach his first century of the season. Earlier, the rest of us had a bit of a look-in when Saints were restricted to 164 for 8 off 35 overs. It went wrong for them from the start when the opener took a quick single to the Skip at mid-on only to fall to a direct hit. The Skip immediately left the field, muttering something about 'this is the day to buy a lottery ticket. Back in a minute.' Big Jim was his usual generous self to the Opposition batsmen - three for 17 off seven overs. All the other bowlers chipped in a with a wicket apiece- Max, Test Match, the Chairman, newcomer Craig (a Yorkshireman but seemed a nice guy) and even the Skip who got the Saints' captain with a "vicious,turning leg break' (his words).It was actually a trademark piece of sharp stumping from wicket-keeper Jack who defied the duck-pond conditions brilliantly all day. New boys Alex Barker and Jason Lewis helped out gamefully in the field, despite Jason's WC Grace-vintage cricket shoes coming apart as he galloped(unsuccessfully) after a snick through the slips.And so to the tea! In stark contrast to the lack of sharing that followed in our innings, Big Jim and his fiancee Lucy laid on a right royal spread - so lavish that the table collapsed or was that Max breaking it later on? It was the last collapse of the day as Selfish and Test Match strode out to humble Saints. Later, much later on Sunday night, after we'd left the ground, even after we'd bade farewell to the Hare and Billet, something stirred in the pitch black gloom of a deserted Greenwich Park. Test Match Tim had slipped back in to enlist the help of two squirrels and a passing hedgehog to get that sightscreen shifted. PS: "Test Match Tim the Title Track" is available shortly on Cincinnati CC Records, sung to the tune of Postman Pat.
PS: Our picture shows Lucy and Big Jim with their award-winning tea.

Cincinnati v Bedford Row - Hampstead Heath

With the skipper unavailable, it was left to the Vice to lead us into an unfamiliar corner of Hampstead Heath.

Worried by the prospect of a moment of madness from one of our openers, the Vice decided to face the new ball himself. He and Selfish put on 75 for the first wicket. In doing so, they successfully calmed down Southern Cincers whose nerves had been frayed by the train rides, bus journeys and car lifts that had been endured to reach NW3.

The run fest continued throughout the middle order with Will, David and Lurpak all finding the boundary. Will and Selfish completed half centuries, and Jim hammered home the advantage with a brutal 42. After several rounds of negotiations between Steve, Rocky and the scoreboard, we announced a final total of 239 from our 35 overs.

Inspired by some posh sandwiches from Borough Market, the Cincers stylishly defended their score against the opposition barristers. Jim, Lurpak, the ex-Chmn, Steve, the Chmn and Damian all took wickets, and there was no buffoonery in the field. With Bedford Row all out for about 110, we repaired to the pub to doctor the scorebook.





P.S. The advertising plane that kept circling the pitch during the game apparently reported spotting a meerkat on Hampstead Heath last Saturday. The sighting was made mid-afternoon just after our opening bowlers had been taken off. Did anyone else see this?

10-man Cincers and Chairman's new Pants triumph over Saints



No Selfish Batter, no Big Jim, no Vice-Skip and no Rockie...and still
10-man Cincinnati triumphed up in Elstree this weekend.
The valiant - if weakened team - beat London Saints by 52 runs with star
performances by Tim R with the ball, new boy Richard Edwards with the bat
and with both Will and Dan heavily in the runs.
Why, even if the Skip figured with an imperious 15 opening up ("like
watching paint dry", said one disloyal Cincinnatian) and with the ball.
First, Cincinnati won the toss and opted to bat on what proved to the
slowest pitch in the known world.
Tim R, opening up with the Skip, got sent back by the Captain for a quick
single to mid-on and clearly distracted, then played over the next ball to
bring Richard E to the crease.
Richard's a sort of right-handed Selfish and proceeded to milk Saints'
bowling for 65, most of it in a competitive (and we do mean competitive)
partnership with Will who got 45.
In fact, it got so competitive that Will got himself out, trying to clip a
full, straight ball round the corner for a single to pinch the strike.
Sadly for Saints, that brought in Dan who - first with Richard, then with
new boy Ben Ellery - put the bowlers to the sword to hit 53 not out.
Cincers closed on an impressive 220 for four off 35 overs.
Game over? Er, no. Ever the gents, we then kicked off with newcomer Chris
Ashman offering pace but with several wides while Dan, gamely filling in as
opener, struggled to hit his stride.
Dan hit back with a smart run-out to send one of their opening batsmen on
his way.
Enter Tim R (7 overs, 2 for 16) and the Chairman, wearing his new Lords'
Pad Man match underwear for the first time in anger, (7 overs, one for 35)
to rein them in and push the run-rate up.
Then Steve Binks, playing only his second game since his maiden performance
against Saints a year ago, bowled superbly to end with figures of six
overs, one for 18.
Heaven forfend, the Skip's leggies began with a maiden and ended with seven
overs, three for 38.
Saints, who at one stage were up with the rate, crumbled to 168 for 8 off
35 overs.
Best of all, that included one of the Skip's oldest mates (John Quinn)
getting a good old-fashioned duck, superbly caught by Will down the
legside.
We rejoice and are glad.
PS: Our picture shows the Chairman being presented with his new all-in-one cricket briefs by the Skipper at the previous game in Ham.

Sunday 6 July 2008

CCC V Actors Anon

Scene: The Field of Saints and Kings in time long now past.

Prologue

“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?”
Enquired the Bard, hoping to have his way
With some fair but frosty maid. “Better not,”
Said she, “my desire lies elsewhere, with hot
Actors and their sport, not your feeble quill.”
Thus sorely wronged, our Bard swore vengeance ill
Would befall those men who stole his lover,
And vowed to make the offenders suffer.

Act I
And so it was that Will took up his bat,
Not in lust of making runs but love for that
Which proved far rarer, yet promised joys beyond
All rhyme and reason. So he took his wand
To Ham, where famous actors came to play;
Here, surely, he would score and win the day.

Act II
As if in spite, the golden sun did shine -
A "summer's day" for Will to grieve and pine,
To think on his poetical betrothed
(And how she'd look entirely unclothed).
The pitch was flat, the boundary good and short,
The Skipper won the toss; runs seemed assured.
But Lurpak fell three balls in and Selfish
Was becalmed. The Actors had an Irish
Quick who used his skill to make it seam;
Woe! John the Vice was Shot for seventeen!

Act III
Enter The Bard wielding his ancient quill:
Here was some old school willow and the Will
To make these Actors pay for all that they
Had done to thwart Will's plan to have his way
With Sweet Francine. Once, twice, and thrice he hit
The Thespians fiercely through midwicket;
Then one Dick Whittington entered the scene
To seek his fortune on Ham's illustrious green.
But angry Will took up his axe and walloped
The loopy spinners poor Dick had dolloped
As far as those Bow Bells that sobbed once more:
"Turn again Whittington, three times the Mayor
"Of London!" But, alas, turn it would not
As Tom joined the fray and another fine shot
Showed Actors our batters intended to win;
And puppy-like Tom sang: "I hit the shit bin!"
(Though none were sure if our happy young hound
Had filled that same vessel on reaching the ground.)
In silence, unnoticed all the long while,
Selfish was batting with customary style.
Reaching his fifty with a nod of his head
He planned to bat 'til it was time for bed.
But finally he fell and Giant Jim came in
Calling "FEE, FIE, FO, FUM!" and gnashing his grin.
"I SMELL THY BLOOD!" roared Jim at the bowler
And smote a vast six that killed a poor stroller.
Four more huge blows saw the score near three tons
And the Natti closed happy on 291;
Our am'rous Bard with the score of the day,
Eighty-five runs to soothe love wounds away.

Act IV
The finest of teas was quickly despatched
And a plan for our bowling was hastily hatched.
"Send in the Giant" cried John the vice skipper
So Jim roared in, mashing stumps with a ripper.
The Chairman looped on from the tennis court end
And sent three Actors back to rehearsals again.
Lurpak was robbed of a clear caught behind;
The umpire's excuse: "I'm deaf and half blind!"

Act V
Despite some worthy blows from the batters,
Our star-studded foes fell short where it matters;
The Natti recorded a triumphant win
And Will left us early, a love song to pen...

Tuesday 3 June 2008

Who ate all the runs?


Well, I don't know about you but I thought it went very well on Sunday.
Yes, it was a daunting target.
Always is at Finchley.
But we got stuck in like true, fearless Cincinnatians, just going for it like the good old days.
Big Jim showed the way, eyeing up a big one to long leg.
One minute, it was there. The next, it was despatched. Never seen a piece of marble cake go so fast.
Then there was the vice-skip.
I mean, OK, he's not technically perfect. Might even have been LBW in front of the cress sandwiches.
But my, what a whizz with the teapot. Shots all round.
"Who want's a fill-up? Tim? Here you go! Adam? No problem," he said, swivelling round to show that even with a stance like John Wayne waiting for his next horse he can twist and turn like the best of them. Mind, Dan played a blinder. He hoovered up every crumb. Nothing got passed him.
Oh, and there was our very own marathon man.
"Oi, I'm now the fastest one in the team!" said Andy O.
He was too. Those chicken and ham sarnies have never disappeared off a plate that quick before.
Pity he dropped that easy one. I thought it was a dolly but he's never been that fond of cheese and tomato.
He could learn a bit about stickability from Tim R. Solid, dependable, he didn't go for big bites. Just stuck in there, quietly munching away at his plate while his brother Jack, well, safe as houses as usual.
Anyone else would have spilled that mini-bakewell but not our Jack.
The only blot on the tablecloth was the absence of home-made brownies etc.
Sadly, both Tim R and Jack told their better halves not to bother with the the oven gloves this week.
Dicing with death there, boys. Do you want to get dropped off the top table?
Apparently, there was some cricket either side of the tea.
Some lot called Finchley clubbed 238 for 5 off 40 while we let them win, chugging along to a creditable 112 for 9.
Some rude Aussie bloke called Frank got three for 34 as if we care.
But Rockie did us proud, turning away back to his mark oblivious while the rest of us celebrated a stumping off his bowling.
But hey, it's only a game.
Anyone for a cuppa?

Thursday 22 May 2008

CCC v BK - Greenwich

What is it about this fixture? Over the last few years, we must have played BK more than most teams and yet every time the two sides seem to end up locked in another thrilling contest.
This one, I would submit, takes the home-made cake.
Conditions couldn't have been more different from the previous week, when the sun beat down on a glorious afternoon and Greenwich park seemed to have slipped a few thousand miles south along the Prime Meridian to Africa - Ghana, or Togo, perhaps.
No, our home ground had rediscovered its true bearings on the chill eastern edge of the most famously miserable city in the world.
Wind howled through the white slats of the sight screens. Icy drizzle clung to newly budding trees. Shocked voles, emerging from hibernation, scurried away and threw themselves under lorries on Shooters Hill just to escape their frozen misery.
The Skipper, wisely, rigged the toss and chose to bat, mainly to give us the chance to thaw out after spending the morning forcing boundary markers into the permafrost.
Cincinnati's reliably egocentric opening pair of Selfish Batter and Selfish Butter (aka Lurpak) put on 48 for the first wicket. The partnership ended only when Lurp reverted to form after some unusually dashing shots and re-located that trusty outside edge.
Will and Simon drove and pulled their way to good scores but both fell short of 50 as BK's bowlers applied pressure and never let the Natti batters get away.
An immaculately executed 18 followed from Stephen, who looked for all the world as if he had wintered like a swallow in the warmer climes of Mark Ramprakash's Caribbean Batting Academy.
Important contributions from Rocky and the Vice Captain helped Cincinnati to 180 for 7 at tea as snow clouds gathered overhead.
In an inspired effort to warm us all up, the Vice Captain provided a glorious spread, including a pasta salad laced with explosive chillies. Amy (Mrs Lurpak) supplied the first tray of brownies of 2008.
Suitably immobilised by lard, we took the field to defend what always looked likely to prove an inadequate score.
Howling Mad Max had his first outing of the year and tore in from the Pavilion End (do we have one of those?) with a fine spell of fast bowling. He removed two key BK batters for just 26 runs off his allotted overs.
But the opposition were making steady progress towards their target, despite the best efforts of Adam and the Chairman to keep runs to a minimum. Rahman, Ferhan and our old wicket-keeping mate Pete pushed the score to within reach of our total with some determined batting.
That is, until what must surely count as one of the most remarkable transformations in modern cricketing history.
Selfish Batter, the mainstay of our top order for the past 350 years, dramatically, sickeningly, like some multi-headed slithering alien from Dr Who, morphed into The Incredible Selfish Bowler.
With a run-up that suggests an almost total contempt for the bowler's art, the ISB slung down a series of vicious swinging deliveries in the semi-darkness. From his near stationary position next to the umpire, he prized out three BK batsmen for no runs in a single crucial over, helped by some brilliant catching from Rocky. Normally, this is the sort of thing that other teams do to us, but suddenly Cincinnati were back in the match.
With just one over left and BK down to their last pair, the batsmen nicked another run.
The scores were level. There was one ball left and one run needed for a BK victory or a dot ball or wicket for a tie.
The ISB steamed in from no yards away, slinging down another yorker, but BK squeezed it away in the gap backward of point and took the crucial run.
Much credit to the final pair of BK batters for keeping their cool and curses to the rest of them for another amazing match.
Cincinnati 180-7 after 40 overs (Selfish Batter 42, Will 33. Josh 3-37)
BK 181-9 from 40 overs (Ferhan 40, Rahman 37. Incredible Selfish Bowler 3-18, Lurpak 3-43).

Tuesday 13 May 2008

New season - Cincinnati v West XI, 11 May 2008

Cincinnati overcame challenges on and off the field to ensure a successful start to the new season.

Prior to the match, the Skip & Vice's long deliberations over the batting order (see previous post) had been thrown into chaos with a couple of late changes to selection. Ash's shock withdrawal on Saturday afternoon (most had been anticipating Sunday morning at the earliest) was followed by news that our "secret batter" was not yet ready to come out of the shadows.

Clearly upset by the last-minute confusion, the Skip decided to preempt the traditional coin-tossing ritual with a direct request to bat first. The rattled West XI captain obliged and, despite a sometimes tricky wicket, we scored 172-7 off 35. Main contributors were Lurpak (47), Selfish (36) and Adam (29*). The Ross Bros held things together with a fifty partnership in the middle overs and Adam hit out well in the closing stages. His straight six in the last over was bettered only by an amazing Caribbean-style step across the stumps and whack to the mid-wicket boundary.

Highlights of tea were home-made carrot and ginger cake (Chairman) and wedding cake (Lurpak). After the interval, our fielding and bowling were impressive. Selfish and the Chairman both took three wickets (the latter needing a 13-mile run to warm up for his spell), Lurpak and Adam contained well and the Skip got his first stumping of the season. Special mention to Jack for his excellent keeping. West XI ended on 153-8, 20 runs short of victory.

Wednesday 7 May 2008

Who is the Secret Batter? Can you help?


Reports just in suggest a Cincinnatian is taking secret batting lessons with a view to storming up the order this season.
According to well-placed sources, a senior, long-serving member of the team has privately engaged the help of a top batting coach behind the back of Cincinnati management.
The identity of the secret batter is as yet unconfirmed but perhaps you can unmask him.
It could be you've seen someone acting suspiciously outside the off stump or playing a highly unusual straight bat when a cross-bat swipe has always sufficed in the past.
May be you, or someone close to you, have heard the unmistakable sounds of secret coaching: the rattle of stumps being knocked over followed by "f**k! I'm wasting my bl**dy time and money!"
If so, do get in touch with the club police. The number is on page 4,986,999 of the current edition of Wisden.
But in the meantime, please - don't have nightmares. The chances of this person actually connecting with the ball are very, very remote. Sleep well!

Tuesday 6 May 2008

'Hotshot' good omen on eve of season opener!


Pre-season training for senior Cincinnatians at Whitstable fete paid off handsomely yesterday.
The Skipper knocked spots off the opposition (mainly five and six-year-olds but also including the ex-Chairman) at the coconut shy by hitting this fine specimen from all of two yards.
The Skipper told Cincinnati News: "When the (fish and) chips are down, it's time to step up to the plate.
"This is an early warning to the opposition not to try any quick third runs this season when I've got the ball.
"Sadly, the ex-Chairman took 'coconut shy' literally and missed by a proverbial mile.
"The Vice-Skip refused to take up the challenge but far be it for me to point that out."
Warning: anyone who alters this caption to read 'Which One is the Coconut' will bat at 12 throughout the season (rockie, is that OK? I know it's your usual position).

Wednesday 30 April 2008

2008 Strategy Summit

The new season is just days away, but the batting order is still causing the CCC leadership duo problems. Even after drawing up ten variations, neither appears to be willing to compromise.