We are a London-based cricket club. Although we don't have our own pitch, we usually play our home fixtures in Greenwich Park. This blog records our regular triumphs and occasional failures.

Tuesday 29 July 2008

Phew - What a Scorcher! Bevan bashes Bosherston in historic second tour win


A weekend of Welsh tour betrayal and treachery was completed at around 7pm on Sunday as Selfish Batter steered Cincinnati to a memorable victory - by crushing the side that nurtured him.
Only 24 hours earlier, Selfish - deserting Cincers to bat for his original home side of Bosherston and Stackpole - had snatched victory from us with a last-over cameo of a four and a six.
"Croeso gartref - welcome home!" cheered BSCC. In vain.
Selfish doesn't speak the language of his fathers and promptly defected back to Cincers for the Sunday game at BSCC's gorgeous home ground at Stackpole.
Worse, he notched up his highest ever score - a chanceless 136 not out to lead us over the line after a generous declaration from BSCC skipper Richard MacKay.
BSCC batted first on a blisteringly hot day in a 35-over contest and quickly set a hot pace to match - despite tight, sharp bowling from Big Jim at one end which earned him a second over wicket.
Max started well at the other end but BSCC's intentions rapidly became clear - whack it!
Enter the Honey Monster's cousin - Huw Cox, with some of the hardest straight hitting yet inflicted on Cincers (for the record, the Honey Monster in Galway last year preferred mid-wicket, about a mile over it from the Skip's 'spinners').
Max's third over went for 21, including five fours, after which the bowler promptly resigned from his spell.
"You're on next - Max's has abdicated," the Skipper told Test Match.
Sadly, it was still crash helmet order at long off and long on as Huw - assisted by opener Alan Webster - proceeded to knock the leather off the ball and wreck one bat in the process.
Catches were spilled as Cincers wilted until Adam woke up at cover to catch BSCC's skip for a duck off Selfish's medium pacers.
Next over, Adam woke up again to juggle, sorry, snaffle another catch to slow the onslaught.
No respite, though, as Huw - now aided by hard-hitting number six J. Williams - bashed on regardless, surviving the odd chance and scare.
Bravely, the Chairman took the ball from the Skip, provoked a chance that went down and suffered a fearful battering from the escapee.
But what's this? Over the hill came the 7th Meerkat Cavalry in the shape of former Chairman Rockie's inswingers and Max's massive hands at deep, deep, mid-wicket.
The Mighty Max took three excellent catches, including despatching Huw for 83. Tragically, a Kerrygold-sponsored drop at square leg by, er, the Skip, may have denied Rockie his first ever five-for as he went to bag a fourth wicket.
Rockie finished with an astonishing four for 14 off five overs while Big Jim sent down seven, one for 20.
Will, donning the gloves for the second day running, put in his best performance yet with behind the stumps.
Why, he even took a stumping off a flighted leggie offering from the Skip.
BSCC declared at 220 for nine off 30 overs - with, under Pembrokeshire league rules, Cincers getting the unused overs.
So, our target was 221 from 40.
A banquet of a tea followed before Selfish and Test Match strode to the crease to begin the reply.
An Australian-style arc of slips greeted Selfish's first ball - a wide sent down by the BSCC skip and the cordon promptly relaxed.
Test Match started watchfully - "could you move that dairy herd, please?" - as Selfish gradually opened up on the pitch of his youth.
One major alarm came when bowler Webster deflected a return drive from Selfish on to the non-striker's stumps. The Skip, umpiring, gave it "Not Out" - to the thinly-disguised - well, not disguised at all - disbelief of BSCC.
Ash - fielding for the oppo (I refuse to mention, Ash, that you hit me for a four, by the way, when batting for BSCC) - won plaudits from the home side for his dives which for once involved stopping the ball.
Eventually, Test Match succumbed to an extravagantly-turning off-spinner from Webster to depart for 28 but not before he and Selfish had racked up another century partnership.
A quick cameo came from Dan - he was caught at first slip by Frank fielding for the oppo after BSCC skip Richard was carried off injured. Will also chipped in quick runs.
Selfish ploughed on to an historic 136 not out and an equally historic tour win for Cincers off 37 overs - our second tour triumph in a year.
A great end to a great tour, formally marked at the Stackpole Inn where Max was named Fielder of the Tour and Rockie got Player of the Tour.
Well, we can't let Selfish win everything, can we?
* Picture caption: In his pomp - Selfish prepares for another boundary on home turf.

Sunday 27 July 2008

Of Tubs and treachery...


Cincinnati hit a new low yesterday when four team members conspired to deny the team a triumphant first day on tour in Wales.
The Gang of Four - led by non-Welsh speaker "Selfish batter" Bevan - turned their backs on their team mates to play for the opposition - Bosherston and Stackpole CC. Tubs Moynihan, fortified by a whopper-sized serving of scampi and chips in the Indian restaurant the night before (and we do mean INDIAN) tucked into the Cincinnati attack to rack up more than 70 runs and a cheeseburger.
Cincinnati bowlers, clearly unwilling to get the traitors out, served up a rich diet of half-volleys and full-tosses - especially after Tubs pulled up with a calf muscle strain. The generous bowling was entirely in keeping with the wonderful hospitality provided by hosts BSCC at a reserve ground on an army camp set in the rolling countryside of Selfish Batter's native Pembrokeshire.
The day opened with BSCC appealing for players from the overstocked, if undertalented, ranks of the touring squad.
But the skipper was appalled when Selfish led Tubs, former, and never to be again, chairman Graham Rock, "quickie" Kiwi Max "Lord" Rashbrooke and young Dan over to join the home team.
Worse, Rocky successfully reprised his John Travolta-style of wicketkeeping to frustrate Cincinnati despite a gallant opening stand by the chairman and the skipper who got a nose bleed when he reached the dizzy heights of 18 before succumbing to vertigo (caught at slip at the second attempt). Team trouble-maker Ash livened up proceedings by smashing a six and promptly falling down in adoration of the shot. The vice-captain defied gravity and technique to hit a swashbuckling 30-odd, including four drops along the way before retiring hurt - possibly the first player in history to be hit in the foot by a wide (bowled by Selfish, to make matters worse).
Earlier, Test Match (the artist formerly known as Lurpak) departed, muttering "No Ball!" after missing a shooter from fine young prospect James Adie, a 12-year-old swing bowler.
Keeper Will bludgeoned Cincer's top score of 45 not out and Big Jim hit a two ball six-and-out to take Cincers to 183 off 35 overs - with Adie taking 3-32 for BSCC with some fine bowling.
After a banquet of a tea - deliberately involving extra sponge cake to slow Cincers down in the field - BSCC themselves got off to a sedate start, with skipper Jenkins caught at gully by Test Match off Adam O'Callaghan seam-up bowling.
That brought in the traitor Rock who found, from God knows where, a range of shots never seen when playing his own club. Thankfully the Gods of criket, and Rocky's own disastrous judge of a run, eventually brought an end to his innings, but not before he had reached 28.
Enter Tubs, and the Shelving. Fortified by a tea-time snack of 16 scotch eggs and a ham and bacon pie, Tubs put his team mates to the sword with some sparkling driving.
Frantic bowling changes by the skipper failed to stem the BSCC tide, even though the chairman - bowling into the setting sun, winkled out two batters.
A helpless Tubs, by now relying on a runner, watched aghast as his team mates ran him out.
In a tense finish, Big Jim returned to get a wicket and bring in Selfish. "Leave it to me skip - I have a cunning plan," he said, before serving up a smorgasbord of legs-side morsels duly despatched by Selfish over the heads of distraught Cincinnatians to give BSCC a victory off the penultimate ball.
No flowers please, just donations to the Crocked Cincinnatians (JP's foot)Fund.
* Our picture shows Tubs about to tuck in to his scampi and chips a la Mumbai in Tenby's fine Bay of Bengal restaurant.

Monday 21 July 2008

Cincinnati v Whistable Labour Club - Whitstable

Cincers began their coast-to-coast march across the UK with the annual trip to Whitstable. The local Labour club once again served up a well-kept pitch and a splendid tea - terrific hosts. As for the game, only Hollywood could have come up with the plot that unfolded.

The Skip won the toss and decided to bat. He and Rocky got us off to a steady - some might say slow - start. Their partnership was broken when Rocky mistook Brendan's cry of delight at middling a wide one for an instruction to run. Poor Graham never stood a chance.

Dan ended the watchful nonsense with some fine attacking batting. He and Lurpak were joint top-scorers on 31 - until Tim added a discretionary 12.5% tip to his score, rounding it up to 35. Our guest Roger made a useful contribution at the end of the innings and the Wright Brothers scampered a single off the final ball before tea. Who would have guessed the significance of their effort at the time?



We ended on 130-9 from 43 overs. Custodians of the spirit of the game would have been gladdened to see Cincinnati at least come out to field after tea in the wake of last year's vulgar decision to whack a few more boundaries after enjoying a slice of cake. The relief however would have been short lived. After Batting On After Tea last year, the Cincers this year challenged etiquette by Only Using Three Bowlers All Innings. More on that later.

As we took our positions, the Vice Captain was looking subdued at point (his preferred patch of the cricket field). John had picked up a thigh injury during drunken antics at a house party the night before. A sad indictment of a Beverly Hills lifestyle?

The Yorkshireman in him was soon reawakened when Mark W, standing at slip, helpfully offered to swap positions with him. The Skipper stepped in: "No, we need WICKETS!". With edges anticipated on a bouncy track, the Skip's thought processes were clear to all. The lad from Leeds just jutted his jaw. "Hear all, See all, Say nowt..."

All the while, Lurpak was charging down the hill with a hint of devil in his eye. He struck twice to remove the openers. Adam was coming up the hill.

When two well-coached youngsters started hitting fours through the covers we all wondered if we were watching a sequel to the BK game. Whitstable were halfway to victory with 8 wickets left. In the nick of time, Brother Jack combined with Tim to dismiss Number 3. Then Selfish swung one to trap Number 4 LBW. Could the scriptwriter really pull off such a twist?

What followed was, in the words of the skipper, the finest display of catching in CCC's history (surely jinxing the tour in the process) as we worked our way through the middle order. Rocky joined in the self-congratulation with his own "excellent catch". And still Lurpak tore down the slope.

When Whitstable's last man came out to bat, they needed 6 to win. A few runs were scrambled off Lurpak and Selfish. 129-9. 1 to tie, 2 to win. Lurpak began his demonic charge for the last time. Number 10 swiped at a delivery outside off stump. He connected and the ball flew away just behind square.

The Yorkshireman hadn't moved. A slightly raised eyebrow was his only facial reaction to the approaching ball. "Take all, Keep all, Drop nowt". As the leather, and with it victory, finally settled in his bruised hands, the Vice gave an almost imperceptible nod of the head, perhaps confirming to himself that an earlier insult from the other side of the Pennines had been set right.

Next second, the dour Yorkie had disappeared and Hollywood was back in town. The hero's dash towards the sunset, all sails rotating, teammates in pursuit, just needed a wide camera lens and a superimposed 'The End'.

Epilogue: Man of the Match and Best Supporting Actor Lurpak ended with the extraordinary figures of 17-2-56-7. He deserved his fish and chips - before presumably pounding the road back to London.

Cincinnati v BK - Greenwich Park


This was one of those games where you come away thinking, 'If we'd got another 30 runs...', or 'If we'd got one more breakthrough..' i.e. we were well beaten.

We batted first and scored around 170-8 in 35 overs. Top scorer was Selfish Batter, who donated 80 runs to the team cause. Moyners showed us what we'd been missing this season with a few hefty swings of the formica. Simon D made his CCC debut and left with his honour intact on 1 not out.

After tea, our lack of bowling options was soon exposed. Lurpak was his usual reliable self but things got away from us after his early strikes. The only consolation was that, when it came, the coup de grĂ¢ce was delivered by a stylish Welshman.

Back in the Hare & Billet, the Chairman provided confirmation that we hadn't quite been on the ball all day. As we shared a packet of crisps, he pitched his Dragons' Den idea of marketing Quavers as a practical scoop solution for a bowl of peanuts. Not for the first time that afternoon, a group of Cincers had to turn to the Skipper and mutter, "I'm out".

Tuesday 8 July 2008

Cincinnati v London Saints - Greenwich


Cincinnati selfishness hit a new low this weekend when two players beat theopposition on their own. Simon Bevan - already at the centre of several 'Me, Me, Me' battinginquiries - and Tim Ross humiliated the rest of the team by putting on an undefeated 164 opening stand off 27.4 overs. A packed batting line-up looked on helplessly as Selfish (Bevan's realname) - hogged the strike to plunder 110 not out off the hapless London Saints attack and steer us to our first-ever 10-wicket win.
'I was seeing it like a football - MY football!' Said selfish after the rain-interrupted match.Ross - known as Test Match Tim for his, er, 'measured' approach to taking guard - dropped anchor at the other end.Will drummed his fingers idly on his bat which for some reason he had bothered to knock in. At one point, Tim, who ended up 44 not out, livened things up by insisting on having the sightscreen moved and repainted, only for the bowler to decide he wasn't coming round the wicket after all.M eanwhile, Solitaire - sorry, I mean, Selfish - barrelled along,despatching the ball to all corners of the rain-soaked pitch, to reach his first century of the season. Earlier, the rest of us had a bit of a look-in when Saints were restricted to 164 for 8 off 35 overs. It went wrong for them from the start when the opener took a quick single to the Skip at mid-on only to fall to a direct hit. The Skip immediately left the field, muttering something about 'this is the day to buy a lottery ticket. Back in a minute.' Big Jim was his usual generous self to the Opposition batsmen - three for 17 off seven overs. All the other bowlers chipped in a with a wicket apiece- Max, Test Match, the Chairman, newcomer Craig (a Yorkshireman but seemed a nice guy) and even the Skip who got the Saints' captain with a "vicious,turning leg break' (his words).It was actually a trademark piece of sharp stumping from wicket-keeper Jack who defied the duck-pond conditions brilliantly all day. New boys Alex Barker and Jason Lewis helped out gamefully in the field, despite Jason's WC Grace-vintage cricket shoes coming apart as he galloped(unsuccessfully) after a snick through the slips.And so to the tea! In stark contrast to the lack of sharing that followed in our innings, Big Jim and his fiancee Lucy laid on a right royal spread - so lavish that the table collapsed or was that Max breaking it later on? It was the last collapse of the day as Selfish and Test Match strode out to humble Saints. Later, much later on Sunday night, after we'd left the ground, even after we'd bade farewell to the Hare and Billet, something stirred in the pitch black gloom of a deserted Greenwich Park. Test Match Tim had slipped back in to enlist the help of two squirrels and a passing hedgehog to get that sightscreen shifted. PS: "Test Match Tim the Title Track" is available shortly on Cincinnati CC Records, sung to the tune of Postman Pat.
PS: Our picture shows Lucy and Big Jim with their award-winning tea.

Cincinnati v Bedford Row - Hampstead Heath

With the skipper unavailable, it was left to the Vice to lead us into an unfamiliar corner of Hampstead Heath.

Worried by the prospect of a moment of madness from one of our openers, the Vice decided to face the new ball himself. He and Selfish put on 75 for the first wicket. In doing so, they successfully calmed down Southern Cincers whose nerves had been frayed by the train rides, bus journeys and car lifts that had been endured to reach NW3.

The run fest continued throughout the middle order with Will, David and Lurpak all finding the boundary. Will and Selfish completed half centuries, and Jim hammered home the advantage with a brutal 42. After several rounds of negotiations between Steve, Rocky and the scoreboard, we announced a final total of 239 from our 35 overs.

Inspired by some posh sandwiches from Borough Market, the Cincers stylishly defended their score against the opposition barristers. Jim, Lurpak, the ex-Chmn, Steve, the Chmn and Damian all took wickets, and there was no buffoonery in the field. With Bedford Row all out for about 110, we repaired to the pub to doctor the scorebook.





P.S. The advertising plane that kept circling the pitch during the game apparently reported spotting a meerkat on Hampstead Heath last Saturday. The sighting was made mid-afternoon just after our opening bowlers had been taken off. Did anyone else see this?

10-man Cincers and Chairman's new Pants triumph over Saints



No Selfish Batter, no Big Jim, no Vice-Skip and no Rockie...and still
10-man Cincinnati triumphed up in Elstree this weekend.
The valiant - if weakened team - beat London Saints by 52 runs with star
performances by Tim R with the ball, new boy Richard Edwards with the bat
and with both Will and Dan heavily in the runs.
Why, even if the Skip figured with an imperious 15 opening up ("like
watching paint dry", said one disloyal Cincinnatian) and with the ball.
First, Cincinnati won the toss and opted to bat on what proved to the
slowest pitch in the known world.
Tim R, opening up with the Skip, got sent back by the Captain for a quick
single to mid-on and clearly distracted, then played over the next ball to
bring Richard E to the crease.
Richard's a sort of right-handed Selfish and proceeded to milk Saints'
bowling for 65, most of it in a competitive (and we do mean competitive)
partnership with Will who got 45.
In fact, it got so competitive that Will got himself out, trying to clip a
full, straight ball round the corner for a single to pinch the strike.
Sadly for Saints, that brought in Dan who - first with Richard, then with
new boy Ben Ellery - put the bowlers to the sword to hit 53 not out.
Cincers closed on an impressive 220 for four off 35 overs.
Game over? Er, no. Ever the gents, we then kicked off with newcomer Chris
Ashman offering pace but with several wides while Dan, gamely filling in as
opener, struggled to hit his stride.
Dan hit back with a smart run-out to send one of their opening batsmen on
his way.
Enter Tim R (7 overs, 2 for 16) and the Chairman, wearing his new Lords'
Pad Man match underwear for the first time in anger, (7 overs, one for 35)
to rein them in and push the run-rate up.
Then Steve Binks, playing only his second game since his maiden performance
against Saints a year ago, bowled superbly to end with figures of six
overs, one for 18.
Heaven forfend, the Skip's leggies began with a maiden and ended with seven
overs, three for 38.
Saints, who at one stage were up with the rate, crumbled to 168 for 8 off
35 overs.
Best of all, that included one of the Skip's oldest mates (John Quinn)
getting a good old-fashioned duck, superbly caught by Will down the
legside.
We rejoice and are glad.
PS: Our picture shows the Chairman being presented with his new all-in-one cricket briefs by the Skipper at the previous game in Ham.

Sunday 6 July 2008

CCC V Actors Anon

Scene: The Field of Saints and Kings in time long now past.

Prologue

“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?”
Enquired the Bard, hoping to have his way
With some fair but frosty maid. “Better not,”
Said she, “my desire lies elsewhere, with hot
Actors and their sport, not your feeble quill.”
Thus sorely wronged, our Bard swore vengeance ill
Would befall those men who stole his lover,
And vowed to make the offenders suffer.

Act I
And so it was that Will took up his bat,
Not in lust of making runs but love for that
Which proved far rarer, yet promised joys beyond
All rhyme and reason. So he took his wand
To Ham, where famous actors came to play;
Here, surely, he would score and win the day.

Act II
As if in spite, the golden sun did shine -
A "summer's day" for Will to grieve and pine,
To think on his poetical betrothed
(And how she'd look entirely unclothed).
The pitch was flat, the boundary good and short,
The Skipper won the toss; runs seemed assured.
But Lurpak fell three balls in and Selfish
Was becalmed. The Actors had an Irish
Quick who used his skill to make it seam;
Woe! John the Vice was Shot for seventeen!

Act III
Enter The Bard wielding his ancient quill:
Here was some old school willow and the Will
To make these Actors pay for all that they
Had done to thwart Will's plan to have his way
With Sweet Francine. Once, twice, and thrice he hit
The Thespians fiercely through midwicket;
Then one Dick Whittington entered the scene
To seek his fortune on Ham's illustrious green.
But angry Will took up his axe and walloped
The loopy spinners poor Dick had dolloped
As far as those Bow Bells that sobbed once more:
"Turn again Whittington, three times the Mayor
"Of London!" But, alas, turn it would not
As Tom joined the fray and another fine shot
Showed Actors our batters intended to win;
And puppy-like Tom sang: "I hit the shit bin!"
(Though none were sure if our happy young hound
Had filled that same vessel on reaching the ground.)
In silence, unnoticed all the long while,
Selfish was batting with customary style.
Reaching his fifty with a nod of his head
He planned to bat 'til it was time for bed.
But finally he fell and Giant Jim came in
Calling "FEE, FIE, FO, FUM!" and gnashing his grin.
"I SMELL THY BLOOD!" roared Jim at the bowler
And smote a vast six that killed a poor stroller.
Four more huge blows saw the score near three tons
And the Natti closed happy on 291;
Our am'rous Bard with the score of the day,
Eighty-five runs to soothe love wounds away.

Act IV
The finest of teas was quickly despatched
And a plan for our bowling was hastily hatched.
"Send in the Giant" cried John the vice skipper
So Jim roared in, mashing stumps with a ripper.
The Chairman looped on from the tennis court end
And sent three Actors back to rehearsals again.
Lurpak was robbed of a clear caught behind;
The umpire's excuse: "I'm deaf and half blind!"

Act V
Despite some worthy blows from the batters,
Our star-studded foes fell short where it matters;
The Natti recorded a triumphant win
And Will left us early, a love song to pen...